Thursday, May 1, 2014

Thoughtfulness Thursdays: "Mommy, Somebody Needs You"

If you haven't read this post by now, you should:

Once again I found a post that sums up so much of what I think about. Maybe one day I'll have a post that goes as viral as this one :). I actually pulled a ton of quotes out of here because I couldn't have phrased it better if I tried. I started a post a while back (which hasn't been published yet) about if I make a difference. This article helped remind me that I completely make a difference. 

On days that I'm home, I'm not a public relations person or a graphic designer...I'm mom and I'm 100% needed all day long. Sometimes by 8:00 a.m. I think to myself "how am I ever going to get through my day?" By 8:00 a.m., I have fed the cat, the dog and E. I've also changed the TV show a thousand times, changed a diaper (or tried to put E on the potty), pulled snacks out and responded to E's constant "Mommy, sit sofa with me." 

Sometimes I feel like my head may explode because of how many requests I get. I'm a pretty patient person, but sometimes I just have to take a deep breath. 

"Some days never seem to end, and the monotony of being “needed” can really take its toll. Then, it all started to hit me, they need ME. Not anybody else. Not a single other person in the whole world. They need their Mommy."

What a blessing it is that E needs ME. An exhausting blessing, but a blessing nonetheless. When I come home from a run or a meeting and E screams "Mommy! You're home!" and comes running towards me at full force...that makes it worth it.

"The sooner I can accept that being Mommy means that I never go off the clock, the sooner I can find peace in this crazy stage of life. That ‘Mommy’ is my duty, privilege and honor. I am ready to be there when somebody needs me, all day and all night."  

Being a mom is constant. When I leave my office at 4:00 on Tuesdays and Thursday (and Wednesday at noon), I leave my work there. I leave (for the most part) files and e-mails to work on the next day. When I'm at home, I can't leave any of that. Even when I'm at dinner with girlfriends or a run, I'm not really leaving it. My brain can stop thinking about work brain never stops thinking about E. On nights that I'm at a late meeting and can't be there to tuck him in, I think about him. On the nights he has slept at my parents' house (not many), I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about him.

There's no denying being a mom is tough and I just have one kid. I know that every child brings their own challenges and every additional child makes it a little harder.

This quote is so true to me, "Mommy means I am surviving on coffee and toddler leftovers. Mommy means my husband and I haven’t had a real conversation in weeks. Mommy means I put others’ needs before my own, without a thought. Mommy means that my body is full of aches and my heart is full of love." I live off of coffee...if you follow me on Instagram, you see that I'm drinking coffee all day long (really only 4 cups a day, but still...). It takes coffee and Motrin to get me through most days. But dangit my heart is so full of love for that boy that sometimes I think it may explode.

"Can I enjoy being needed? Sometimes, sure, but often it is tiring. Exhausting. But, it isn’t meant to be enjoyed every moment. It is a duty. God made me their Mom."

God made me mom to E...sometimes I think it's crazy that he trusted me to raise that sweet boy up. I always pray that I can do it and that his life will be blessed because of me. But that's a huge responsibility and exhausting just thinking about it.

One thing I will say, is that I still do take time for myself...not as much as I used to, but I find it important to spend a little time on myself. "Once upon a time, I had time. For myself. Now, my toe nails need some love. My bra fits a little differently. My curling iron might not even work anymore, I don’t know. I can’t take a shower without an audience. I’ve started using eye cream. I don’t get carded any more. My proof of motherhood. Proof that somebody needs me. That right now, somebody always needs me."

Finally, I will end with this that made tears well up in my eyes. "One day that little boy will be a big man. There will no longer be any sweet words whispered to me in the wee hours...I will sleep peacefully through the night, never a worry of a sick child or a crying baby. It will be but a memory. These years of being needed are exhausting, yet fleeting. I have to stop dreaming of “one day” when things will be easier. Because, the truth is, it may get easier, but it will never be better than today. Today, when I am covered in toddler snot and spit up. Today, when I savor those chubby little arms around my neck. Today is perfect. ”One day” I will get pedicures and showers alone. ”One day” I will get myself back. But, today I give myself away, and I am tired, and dirty and loved SO much, and I gotta go. Somebody needs me."

I've thought about E growing up one day and it makes me want to cherish every second I have with him now. E will soon be taller than me and bigger than me. One day he may not want to kiss me or hug me (this will break my heart). Gah, I love when he comes in our bedroom in the morning and snuggles up next to me while I drink coffee. He lays his head on my chest and I can hear his breathing and feel the warmth of that little body. Then he looks at me with those little eyes and that sweet smile and says "Mommy pretty. Mommy, I love you." and I melt. That boy knows that way to my heart. He is my heart.

So remember that even when times get tough and you've been needed a million times in one day...this day is perfect because that sweet child needs you.


No comments:

Post a Comment